An ongoing issue that many students have addressed is the lack of student activity on campus. Many say that there is simply nothing to do on campus. I suppose there is truth in this. While the countless touring comedians, artists, and musicians frequently play to diminishing crowds, non-drinking public gatherings sinking to an all-time low, and mind/world-perspective expanding lectures/seminars/and presentations are regular funeral homes, the average Monmouth student is left bored, twidling the proverbial thumb of boredom.

In this blog, I'm here to suggest new activities that might spark some heat on this campus. After all, let's not call a spade a spade here. I'll speak on behalf of the supposed greater population of the university: it's not that there isn't anything to do, but there isn't anything FUN to do. It's apparent that under the banal groan of student discontent must be a roar for change! Right? Right. So here we go, the activities guaranteed to turn those frowns upside down:

1) Golf Cart Destruction Derby:


Now that's a smile of a happy student. Monmouth prides itself in owning more golf carts than most PGA Tour certified courses in the America. Who am I kidding, THE WORLD! In Golf Cart Destruction Derby, students will take to the open service roads of the university taking on their peers in a exciting, death-defying ride that will sure to get other universities turning green with envy. After all, our tuition money is paying for these carts that only are used to: A) Ferry atheletes the dreaded 1/4 mile across campus ; B) Administrators who obviously cramp up easily under the stress of strenuous walking ; C) Give prospective athletes/students the 5 star treatment that existing students experience daily

A Pause from the Satire:Where the hell was my campus tour, chartered around on a golf cart damnit!?

2) Rolling Around on MU Grass


Fido here isn't the only one to enjoy a nice romp on the greenest of greens? This new activity couples dog-like fun with utilization of one of Monmouth's most untouched resources: the grass! Feel the tuition dollars under on your skin, and wash away those expensive grass stains out of your clothes. With grass this lush, bright, soft, you would never have known it is unnecessarily maintained virtually 365 days a year, using tuition money for material and labor costs. So enjoy students! Who says grass is greener on the other side?

3) Play 24's JACK BAUER in "Squirrel Espionage"


After doing extensive research on the daily routines of Monmouth students, studies have shown the number one reason why there "isn't anything to do at MU" is simply because ... THERE'S TOO MUCH GOOD TELEVISION!. A recent poll from the Away Message Survey Center shows that many people love to be immerssed in mentally devoid television programming. Let's face it: the world can be a scary place, especially in this age of heightened terrorism. So why risk getting a leg cramp or expanding your horizons a bit when the comforts of the world rest in your remote control?

Because silly! in this activity, you can rid the world of terrorism and the squirrel overpopulation. Play as Jack Bauer, the world's greatest counter-terrorist agent, in his quest to save Monmouth University. Amongst the great population of squirrels hides Osama Bin Sugarbush, the leader of the Al Qaeda's Squirrel Bioterrorism Unit, and he's planning on destroying the very fabric of our University: the grass! This Wednesday night activity will have students working together to thwart the evil squirrels plot in landscaping domination, and final dispell the sentiment that there is nothign to do on campus!



My overly sarcastic blogs are going to be my decline in this class.